Thursday 19 June 2014

Creative Writing- Edited sentences


We have been learning that a sentence has 1 or 2 ideas, that it must begin with a capital letter and must have punctuation.

Our teacher gave us the ideas 'hot summers day and feet burning'. We wrote the sentences below and edited them to check they were grammatically correct.

20 comments:

  1. It was a sunny hot day as we were going to the beach. My feet were burning like I was in the oven. As I screamed “OOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUCCCCC HHHHHH!” my feet were red as I ran to the water HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I said as I came running back home.

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  2. It was a very hot Summer’s day. I walked out of my house and stood on the footpath. My feet were burning hot. It felt like I was standing on Lava. As I was running to the Beach the burning got worse. I ran and hopped in the water. My feet were cooling down and my body was calmed.

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  3. It was a very hot summer day and my feet were burning hot. It felt like was standing in lava. It was so hot I felt like I was going to safurcate.

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  4. “OUCH , OUCH” I screamed out loud. It was a very hot day and we were at the beach. As I was walking on the sand it felt like my feet were going to burn. I quickly ran to the water, “ahhhhh” it was much better. Knew I should have brang my jandals.



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  5. “What a hot summer day”. I was walking along the beautiful sand and I felt my feet burning. So I ran towards the water and quickly let my feet relax And kept on walking.

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  6. It was a very very hot sunny day. My feet burnt like lava and I yelled “Ooouch”. As I hopped about my feet were getting hotter and hotter, but then I found a cold spot to settle down.

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  7. Hot summers day


    It was a hot summers day and my feet were burning on the hot ground. As I walked onto the sand I screamed and ran back to the concrete. The sand was burning hot and it burnt my feet like lava.

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  8. On a sunny day I went for a walk I saw a creeper behind me it was smelly I
    shot it was so hot my foot started to burned I screamed and then I started
    turn run into the water. I Saw with my big eyes a creature it jumped
    the end.

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  9. It’s hot outside My feet are burning have you stepped on hot sand before? Like I was on hot magma (lava). As I sprinted to the water when I was so close to the water. Then I fell over a volley ball then I said “ouch!!!!!” the end.

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  10. Hot Summer Day Feet Burning

    It was a hot sunny day. My feet were burning. I was going to the beach. When I arrived at the beach, I took my shoes off. I ran to the sand and my feet were burning and my feet almost turned into dust. I ran all the way to the water and my feet cooled down.

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  11. The hot summer day’s were here. As the sun was shining brightly it started to burn my feet.
    I thought to myself how can I relax without getting sun burnt. Just then I got an idea, I went and sat down under the tree. But the tree went on fire and burnt into ashes. So I jumped into the water and stayed in the sea the whole day. When I came out of the water at night I froze to death.

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  12. My feet were so hot that I need to get in a pool. Then I felt that I was in hell. It was burning and it was driving me crazy. So I went home and had a cool shower.

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  13. During a hot red sunny day I was walking on the sand It felt like I was burning as red.I ran really quickly to the sea and I felt so much better I knew I should have got my shoes.

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  14. Shelford-
    One day when the weather was nice and warm I thought to myself I’d like to go to beach for a dip in the water. As I put my feet on the sand it burned. It felt like lava, so I jumped into the water as fast as I could. My feet were red as and still burning! I went to the car to get my shoes and it stop burning.
    The end.

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  15. One morning on A hot summers day my feet are burning and melting away. As I was walking on hot yellow sand on the beach I started getting thirsty. My hands were cold but my legs were melting hot like hot chocolate. My body was dieing like the hot desert.

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  16. On a hot sunny day I went to the beach. I was running, my feet were burning. When I got to the beach my feet got hotter. It was like it was burning lava. But when It got so hot I was burning myself. So I knew I’ve should've brang my shoe’s to the beach.

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  17. As I was walking along the beach it feels like lava dripping down my face. My feet are roasting hot. Yay I see water. I’m going for a swim.

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  18. On a hot summer day I went to the beach. I could feel my feet burning and I was like who’s cooking chicken. Then I ran to the beach water and had a swim. My feet and body were really cold. Then I ran straight out of the water and laid back down on my towel.

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  19. It was a hot summer’s day feet burning in the hot sand, I have to sit down but I can’t It is to hot my feet are red underneath. My feet it is so hot I was swetting all over I felt like I was sunburnt, So I quikly put my jandles on and ran to the shower to cool down then i felt nice and cold.

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